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I generally am perhaps perhaps maybe not a fan of rules-based relationships, especially in polyamory. I’ve found, throughout each of my relationships, which they have a tendency to perform best if not governed by a codex of laws that could produce a bureaucrat blush.
Frequently, once I state that, people will appear at me personally as if i have sprouted a head that is extra. «just how can you have got a relationship without guidelines?» I have been expected by poly people. «after all, certain, which is all well and good they want with no commitment, but you can’t build real relationships that way! if you just want anarchy, with people running around doing whatever»
Which will be a little bit of a head-scratcher for me, given that it seems a lot such as for instance a monogamous person telling a poly individual «just how can you have got a relationship without monogamy? After all, yes, which is all well and good they want with no commitment, but you can’t build real relationships that way! if you just want anarchy, with people running around shagging whoever»
It is a standard peoples thing, i guess, to look at world in polar terms: then that means promiscuity and indiscriminate shagging; if there are no rules, then that means anarchy and chaos if there is no monogamy. But that’sn’t actually the instance.
just What can you suggest, that is not actually the case?
Guidelines are exactly how we put down boundaries. Without guidelines, you’ll find nothing to help keep folks from stomping all over us!
We have a tendency to view a difference that is big «rules» and «boundaries.» In my experience, a guideline is one thing that the person imposes on another. «we forbid you to definitely have un-barriered intercourse with other person» is really an example that is common.